a bottle sprayer, a scale, and a hairspray cap

Curious?  This morning I walked into our bathroom to get ready for the day, and there, right in the middle of the floor, blocking my path to get to the sink... sat the bathroom scale.

First reaction? "Ugh!  What is so difficult about putting the scale back once you've pulled it out? I ALWAYS am the one who puts it away when I wasn't the one to get it out!" (Maybe I should get it out more!  I think I'm putting on a couple extra unwanted pounds!)

The Holy Spirit immediately hit me with two other things lying on the floor that apparently had fallen while I was getting ready yesterday... a bottle sprayer and a hairspray cap.

How many times are we quick to judge what someone else does or what they have not done that we think they ought to do?  And all the while, we ourselves, have double the trouble in our own lives... It's like the Gospels talk about... we're quick to point out a speck in our brother's eye while we have a beam sticking out of our own.  Let's remember to extend grace to others in their shortcomings... chances are that we've got double of our own, but we are blind to them.

When I walked into the bathroom, I did not see the bottle sprayer or the hairspray cap.  I saw the scale.  But taking a moment to be introspective, I realized I had no room at all to judge another when I myself had not done due diligence to pick up what I had apparently dropped in a hurry yesterday.  Why is it that we see problems of others as shortcomings in their character, yet we stack up excuses as to why our own shortcomings are what they are?  You see, I could have blamed that scale sitting there on my husband being lazy and not putting away what he got out. All the while, I would have said, that the reason my own things were on the floor was because I was in a hurry and didn't even realize that they had fallen.  But what if I turned that around, and gave my husband the grace rather than myself?

Is there something that really irritates you about the person you live with or minister along side of?  Chances are, there is... but don't forget to offer grace rather than judgment today. Chances are... they were the ones who need grace, and we are the ones who need to work our character.

blessed with this man

If you aren't interested in the ramblings of a wife who has been married a couple years, you'll just want to skip over this post because I'm about to ramble about just how blessed I am to have this very man in my life. 

This weekend, I watched him...

swing the twins in circles till he was sick to his stomach

get tackled repeatedly

laugh uncontrollably as he explained what ribs were

teach them how to lick their Cookie Monster Ice Cream cones before they'd melt all over the place

clean up potty messes

and tuck the boys into bed at night

then

spend hours finalizing his messages for Sunday's service till late at night even though he was completely physically and mentally exhausted

and

when Sunday morning came, and my health completely gave out,

he tended to my every need... gently lifting me up, feeding me, and assuring me that everything was ok.  And he knows my heart, he put on worship music while I lay in bed unable to move - He knew God's truth through music was what I needed to hear... and God gave me sufficient health to recover strength and still go to both services with him that day!

That evening, after the church service, this guy ran into the grocery store for a GF pizza (so I wouldn't have to worry about dinner) and grabbed a movie that I had been wanting to watch... and chocolate ice cream!  

Seriously, I am just sooo blessed to have him in my life.  His patience astounds me.  His love overwhelms me.  It's not every guy that would tend to the needs of his wife (lovingly!) when he has his own stresses and responsibilities on his shoulders.  

"Thank you, God, for giving me such a man of character. His authenticity, patience, and true love inspire me to be more.  You have blessed me beyond my wildest dreams."

This Moment | Life Right Now

Stolen!! Davis, I absolutely L O V E D this idea! :) 

Listening 

to Everlasting God

Drinking 

Coffee! (hello!)

Needing 

to get a move on this day

Feeling 

super happy and content

Wearing 

my pj's and a very cozy sweater

Wanting 

more breakfast

Thinking 

about good God really is to us

Doing 

finishing up my devotions and then a blog post

Waiting 

to share news about a possible business venture

Sitting 

on my couch

Wishing 

for my tummy ache to go away

Knowing 

I'd rather have Jesus than anything

Wondering 

what life would be like if we Christians would really follow Christ 

Hoping 

I can go to my brother's boot camp graduation at the end of this month

Dreading 

cleaning the bathrooms (ok, so I just did this yesterday, but seriously, I hate cleaning bathrooms! lol

Excited 

to see my little (now almost 5!) twins tonight, serve at another church tomorrow with my preacher man, and also a Bible study tomorrow with a friend

Sore 

from eating gluten (wah... such is the life of one who eats out the day before because you never know where it's hiding)

Watching 

the flames flicker in my fake fire place

Happy 

because I had an amazingly productive morning

Realizing 

that I really appreciate a minimalist approach to life

Cooking 

pizza tonight because that's what my guy requested

Smiling 

because it is ALWAYS better to start your way that day even if you have to force it at first

At peace 

because all is truly well

when you're called to step UP

What happens when you're called to step up?  What exactly does it look like to a leader in your community?

Maybe that thought does not even appeal to you. You're the one who is more than happy to stay in the shadows and help out when possible, but have no interest in being considered... a LEADER!  Man, that involves some major responsibility!

Or, you could be the one who L.O.V.E.S. the limelight.  Now, you may not want to admit that, and you may even hide behind false humility... but deep down, there's nothing that gets you more excited than being out front and recognized!

Today I want to take a closer look at Joshua's call to step UP.

First, it is interesting to me that Joshua is introduced as Moses' minister. Before Joshua was ever called to a place of leadership in his community, he was a servant.  He attended to the menial tasks of whatever Moses needed him to do.  He'd probably be called Moses' right hand man in today's terminology.  Isn't it interesting that in Matthew 20:26-28, Jesus taught that whoever wants to be great should be a minister... that even He, the son of GOD, came not to be ministered unto, but to minister?  Before we can ever be effective leaders in any capacity, we must first take a step down and practice serving others.  Servant leadership.

Secondly, it's hard not to notice how many times Joshua is told "Be strong and of a good courage." Why do you think Joshua is told that so many times?  In this passage it's three times, but if you look back in Deuteronomy 31, you'll see that Moses had just got done telling Joshua this very thing THREE times.

I think that Joshua may have been that person who was more than happy to be a right hand man.  Honestly, I think he loved serving God by assisting another person.  The idea of leadership though?  It terrified him.  But, here he was being called to step UP.  He desperately needed strength and courage.

Being strong and courageous involves both physical and mental capacities.  What is it that God is calling you to?  Are you keeping yourself physically able to do that, or are you running yourself down with a thousand other things than what God has for you?  How about mentally?  Are you giving yourself time and space to meditate on God's word?  For each person, it will look different.  But don't get caught up with trying to keep up with the Jones' or even that Christian leader that you admire so much.  God has called YOU to live YOUR life for Him.

What does God tell Joshua NOT to be? Afraid or dismayed.  Afraid carries with it the idea of "awe" or "dread."  Dismayed means "to be broken down by violence or confusion and fear."

When God calls you to step UP and out of the shadows, how do you feel?  What's your reaction?  Are you giddy with excitement because you'll be in the limelight?  Don't forget it's all about being a servant - not being filled with power.  Are you terrified of the responsibility before you and how it will ever get done?  Don't give place to that confusion or fear.  Why?

Well, let's look at the third thing in this study: God's presence.  All the time, everywhere, in every capacity, our God is with us.  He is not a God that is distant and will not hear.  He is not a God that comes through for us only sometimes.  He is always with us. Always. Always. Always.  And He is always working everything together for His glory and our good.  Was Joshua going to have trouble ahead of him? Oh, you better believe it.  Some days were going to be harder than others, but in each and every moment, God was with Him.

Too often, we take on whatever lies before us in our own strength.  We try to be better Christians, better leaders, better moms, better wives... but that's just the problem.  WE are trying to do it. Next time, rather than push through and try harder, how about whispering a prayer to the very God who is with you?  Acknowledge His presence.  Yield to Him, and let Him live through you.

So, when you're called to step UP, remember first to take a step down - always be a servant.  When you're terrified to even think about what lies before you, be strong by calling to mind the fact that God is with you.  Claim the promises He has given.  And when confusion and fear threaten to reign, cast them down by lifting Him up.

My Periodic Paralysis Prayer

After sharing that poem another HKPP patient wrote, I have decided I'd like to also post my own that I just happened to write down on Sunday morning as a prayer to God.  It is very free form - I never was good at poetry, but the heart is there.  One song that comes to my mind over and over again is "Why Should I Worry." You'll recognize it in the very last line.

Here I am again.
I can't even stand.
In tears because I'm so weak.

I fight for my next breath
And feebly open my eyes.
My heart is racing fast as tremors shake my body
And I struggle to even speak.

But you hear the cry of my heart, LORD.
You know I wanted to be there.
It's not news to you that I wish I could do - 
Everything. All the time. Faithfully.

Yet, I am so weak.
Funny thing is that's what you seek.

So take my weakness and show your strength.
Help me open my eyes, and dry my tears
Hold my feeble, trembling hand.
Calm my heart and soothe my mind.

As I remember that
When sickness comes, and my body's in pain, 
All I have to do is call on Your name.

A Day in the Life of a Periodic Paralysis Patient

It's that time of year again that I love but absolutely hate at the same time. How refreshing to hear the birds singing and see the first buds appear on the trees... I am even getting into gardening for the first time and rejoicing over my little herb garden!

But any changes in weather are always a tough time for a HKPP patient. So far, this week alone, I have had three episodes. One caused me to miss church Sunday morning. The other came on right during the middle of our church's midweek service. By God's grace I never had to make the ambulance ride mentioned in the poem below, but my sister has.

I am committed more than ever to discover more about this disease, raise awareness, and find some answers. For some reason, Diet Coke seems to have helped some patients ward off attacks. Sometimes it works for me. I was on Acetazolamide for quite some time when I was first diagnosed, but the cost of the medication grew out of control, and I surprisingly started reacting negatively to it - to the point where it was triggering attacks.

I am on the path of looking to find something natural that may work better. I want to find answers, and I want to help people and the families of those who suffer from this disease. My husband is a champ - takes better care of me than anyone ever could without ever once complaining, but with a smile on his face and love in his heart.

So I share these posts not for you to say, "oh, poor Anna"... not for sympathy. But for more awareness, more understanding, and hopefully one day, more answers.

Here's is a poem that I found in my most recent research. You can find it directly here. She writes so well of exactly how one feels prior to being diagnosed, and there even doctors who are yet unaware of the disease. She expresses their sentiments perfectly, "The patient is faking, playing possom I see... Potassium is low, but you will be fine."

A Day in the Life of a Periodic Paralysis Patient

The 911 call placed, you feel like you're dreaming,
You’re not, from afar you can hear sirens screaming;

The ambulance ride, your body’s not moving,
They wonder aloud, whoa, she's not improving;

Respiratory muscles won’t respond to a breath,
You know once again that you’re so close to death;

Whizzed in on a gurney, it’s all moving fast,
What? You’re parked in a hallway, suddenly bypassed;

How are you this evening? Then give you that look,
The oxygen, sensors and wires they unhook;

They make you feel guilty, as if you are faking,
You’re frightened, can’t breathe, and everything’s aching;

The ER visits, the doctors, the begging and pleading,
You would not desert me if I were here bleeding;

Weakness, paralysis and cognitive decline,
Inverted T-waves, arrhythmias are fine;

The patient is faking, playing possum I see,
With his hammer he can't get a jerk from my knee;

Agonizing pain, it strikes with a flash,
The doctor shrugs shoulders, departs in a dash;

Positive tests, plus symptoms and signs,
Potassium is low, but you will be fine.

~ Victoria Cecil-Shover
Solon, Iowa

the old paths

Have you ever found yourself in a spot where things just aren't like they used to be?  Things could be ok, but it seems like there's just something missing.  It doesn't mean that you're not reading your Bible or going to church or ministering to others... something is just off.

This year, I read the book "Today We Are Rich" by Tim Sanders at the recommendation of a friend and coworker of mine.  What a GOOD book.  It was written by a Christian who was raised by his godly grandmother.  The premise of the book is not how to get rich quick or even slow... it's about what true riches really are. Tim had what he called some "sideways" years after he graduated from high school and left his grandmother's.  When he went back to his grandmother years later, ready for a change, she asked him the following:

"What are you not doing in these days that you were doing then?"

I began re-reading the book this week, and that question stuck out to me yet again.  Sands post, "The Power of Music" really has been on my mind a lot lately.  It has taken me back to those days of Bible College when everyday we were learning and growing and drawing closer to God.  We sat down and played our guitars at any given time of day and had a worship session.  And the worship wasn't just limited to then - we were always playing music when setting up for meals or singing Victorious Valley songs at the top of our lungs in beautiful harmonies while cleaning up dinner afterwards.

As I was having my devotions last night, my mind wandered back to those times... and what I was doing then that I am not doing now.  It's easy to say that we were in Bible College, and those were the best days ever. The fellowship was phenomenal.  We were always learning.  The spirit of worship was so sincere.

But why let it be days gone by?  Why not bring that very spirit into the heart of our homes?  Why not implement those years of training and blessing and our routine from then into our daily lives?

So last night, I pulled out the dear old guitar that Leam L. Leam gave me, and I started singing those songs... "Field of Grace," "Paid in Full," and "Father to the Fatherless."  Why not just pull out my guitar and sing to Jesus in my very own home at any given time of day... just because.

I realized that there were other things that worked then, that would still work if I would just implement them.

What about my routine?  I got up every day at the same time and curled up in a comfy chair and read the Word.  Every evening, I tried to head to bed a little earlier than lights out and spent time journaling and reading the Word.  And every evening, we would fall asleep to some wonderful CD like "Hear My Prayer."  Every day was filled with God's Word and His music.

I have to say that though I would not really call my years after Bible College "sideways years," all the change that happened so frequently got me out of good routines and practices that really did work.  I came to the place where life was so crazy that no kind of routine existed in my life - unless you count routine randomness as routine.

But I'm so grateful that God has brought these things back to my mind.  I'm grateful that He's helping me find not just a routine to get things done, but to create a wonderful, glorious Spirit filled home.

I've struggled since quitting my full time job to find a flow that works well for me.  There is a ton of work to be done on our home still, and we are getting more and more opportunities for ministry which is awesome. One day, I look forward to being a mother.  But... going back to what worked for me then will help me find the rhythm that will work now.

In the words of Tim Sanders, "My mind swirled with excitement... I knew how to do this. I had simply allowed the uncertainties of life to get in the way of doing what I needed to do."

So after singing those good old songs at the top of my lungs for an hour or so last night, I pulled out "Hear My Prayer," turned on my wonderful little fan, and fell asleep with my mind set on Christ and looking forward to returning to some of these old paths.

victory in the daily walk

It is the close of the first quarter of the year.  It is also the week prior to Easter - where we celebrate Christ's resurrection - His triumph over death.. newness of life. Victory.


I love weeks like this.  It's like the week after Christmas and directly before New Years... only you've had the opportunity to live out some of the goals that you've been working towards for the past three months.

This year, I sat down and looked at aspects of my life such as spiritual, marital, financial, home, ministry,physical, career... you get the idea.  I wrote generalities of how I wanted to improve and then developed those into specific goals that were measurable.  I also sat down with my husband and got his input on my ideas as well as what he would like to see happen in our home this year.

It was fun.  I love the planning process.  I love dreaming.

Reality though?  Well, we all know that reality is a different thing entirely.  Some years I actually gave up on the idea of goals or resolutions because I KNEW the reality would be different than the dream, and I would just get discouraged and beat myself up about not accomplishing the goal.

But I've been learning something this year, and that's to go somewhere you've never been, you have to do things you've never done.  To grow, you have to set goals.  You have to work towards something.

And so, this year, I set out to grow - in every aspect of my life.

Here's an example of how I broke down those goals.
Spiritually, I wanted to become a more gracious, wise woman who abides in Christ and His love.
But, to actually grow in the area, I had to set some specific goals to help me get there.  I chose to do the following:
1) Read 33 books of the Bible. (I've tried the whole Bible in one year before and ALWAYS get behind and discouraged, and NEVER accomplish it.  This year I decided I could read any 33 books in any order - I'd just write them down as I went and it would be PROGRESS)
2) Read "One Thousand Gifts" (A book highly recommended by quite a few very good friends.)
3) Listen to one spiritual podcast each day (either a sermon or devotion)

Now, doing those things wouldn't make me automatically the woman I want to become, but they would put me in a place conducive to growth.  But growth doesn't occur just because you've set some goals and your working towards them.  There has to be an evaluation of how it's going.

I have decided that I will review my goals quarterly.  Where I have done well, I will set new goals to grow more.  Where I have slacked off, I will reevaluate and recommit myself to a goal that is achievable.

It's exciting.  It's new.  It's learning that progress does not mean perfection.  I don't have to be perfect for God to love me or use me.  But I don't want to stagnate in my growth either.  Reality doesn't have to mean perfection or failure.  Reality just needs to be progress.

So today and tomorrow, I'll be setting aside some time to do this re-evaluation process, and this coming Easter Sunday I will be rejoicing not just in Christ's victory on the cross, but that His victory gives me the power to have victory in my every day walk.

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.  Ephesians 1:17-23

So how about you?  How do you work on your growth in areas of your life?  Have you found a system that works well for you?   Do you have some favorite verses you'd like to share? I'd love to hear.

2014 Reflections

Inspired by Leah over at Proverbs 31, I've decided to reflect on some blessings from this past year.

1. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with the man I love at the very place where we honeymooned.

2.  My man whisked me off for a Valentine's weekend to remember for a lifetime.  We spent a day and night in New Jersey with a beautiful view of the NYC skyline.  The following day, we went to my first ever Jim Brickman concert. He was my inspiration to be a pianist, so it was super awesome to be able to see him perform in person.

3.  This entire year, God has worked in our hearts to show us the calling He has for us.

• Mike spent the summer working at the golf course to see if he would pursue his dream as a golf pro. Though he passed his playing test in August on the first try (unheard of), something was still missing.  He knew what that was when Pastor Gary started preaching a series on Jonah the first time we visited back at Nottingham.  Mike (re)surrendered to be a preacher, and was also given back his position at his previous job with the understanding that he will eventually move to full time ministry.  
• I struggled with the leading of God to quit my full time job as an executive assistant in the corporate world.  Even though all I've ever wanted was to be a wife, mom, and homemaker, the pull of the world was strong, and I did not want to leave the financial security and self sufficiency of where I was at to become a housewife.  I struggled with what others would think of me, and if we could make ends meet, but I knew it was God's leading.  God is so good.  By His grace, I resigned, and now have the wonderful opportunity to serve more in ministry and also return to teaching piano and tutoring.

4.  One of the most trying years of our lives (September '13- September '14), is now over. God taught us so much about Him, strengthened our faith and beliefs, and has shown us where He wants us.  We have a regular home church and ministries which include the mission.

5.  We are experiencing what reconciliation of relationships in Christ are like.  Wow - definitely a work only He can do!  When misunderstandings and hurt enter the picture, it's easy to think that "it's over," but in Christ, all things can be made new.  It's amazing to actually experience reconciliation rather than holding onto bitterness and hurt for the rest of our lives.

6.  Christ is teaching me contentment - something I have always struggled with.

7.  We were blessed to be part of both Mike's sister's wedding and my sister's wedding.  Beautiful celebrations of new families that God has established.

8.  "The Best Yes" was released, read, and life changing for me.

9.  Mike and I have begun daily devotions together following every dinner.  We clear the table, grab some dessert (sometimes) and hot tea for me, then read our devotional, talk about it, and pray.  It's drawn us so much closer, and I look forward to it every day.

10.  Several songs have been especially meaningful to me this year, and I am so thankful for the truths in them:   Never Once, Lord, I Need You, Cornerstone, and Stronger.

Merry Christmas from Our Home to Yours!

"something in my heart just keeps on yearning"

"Has there ever been a time in your life where you felt closer to the Lord than you are right now?  You were more at peace... had more joy?"

Chances are, if you've been walking with the Lord for some time, you've likely heard this question asked during a sermon at your church or on a podcast maybe.  The question is posed to get people thinking about snapping out of the rut, the routine, the status quo... and really focus on where their personal relationship is with God.  And I'm pretty sure that you'll hear one or two things about joy this coming month.  It IS Christmastime.

I've heard the question countless times.  I try to give it sincere thought when it is posed, and take necessary measures according to whatever the answer may be.

But over the past couple months, I have found a hunger growing in my soul for more. You see, it's not that I haven't been walking with God.  I have been.  I've been reading my Bible, praying, going to church... the list goes on - you know how it is.  Things haven't been bad.  They've been good.  But, I'm craving more.

There is a stirring in my soul for that authenticity... for that moment by moment, in step, life flow with God.  As John puts it, the abiding in Christ.  Jesus left us specific instructions for FULL joy, "Abide in me." If we want true joy not only this Christmas season, but year round - that's where it's got to come from.

It's time to take life by the reins... time to reflect... time to pray... It's time for the tough stuff...time to get serious about sin - to lay aside some weights and what so easily besets us... looking unto Jesus, and thus experiencing that joy.

Are you in?

dreams really do come true!

To most, this appears to be nothing more than a photo of my husband and myself... a little blurry  perhaps, but not bad if you can lose sight of that.  To me, this photo captures a moment in time where my very dreams since I was a young girl are being coming true.  Let me tell you about it.  (Warning:  If you're going to read, you may want to grab a cup of coffee or something.  It's going to be long!)

If you've known me for a while, you may know that deep in my heart I have always wanted to be a wife and mom that loved Jesus with all she was and lived like it.  I wanted to be very involved in church and ministry.  I love coming alongside others to encourage or worship.

When I first got to know Mike, it was at a Bible Study that he was leading.  His study was from 1 John 1.  I may have sat through preaching all my life and heard countless sermons and even some devotions from that passage, but never had I heard it with the clarity and conviction that he gave that day.  It stuck with me every day... how we have to keep the window of our souls clean to let God's light shine through us... and when we let the window get clouded with sin instead, we hide God's light.  There was more to it, but the point I am making was that the Bible Study made a significant impact on me.  

But it wasn't just the Bible Study I couldn't stop thinking about, it was the guy that gave it!  I didn't know guys like him existed anymore! I mean he was a LOT of fun and rather crazy to be honest, but he lived for God too.  What?! 

Well, you likely know our story from there, but if you want to read about it, you can here. 

I remember one Sunday afternoon when Mike and I were dating.  I had been struggling to resolve some things in my mind.  See, at one point just several years earlier, I thought that God may be leading me into full time service - as in, not working a full time job in the everyday professional world, but to be working everyday in the church world.  Life happened though, and God had not brought me to that point.  Yet, that desire was still there, and I knew that soon I would be making a rather large decision in my life - who I was going to marry!

Mike and I had talked about serving God.  I had found out that years earlier (about the same time that I began to sense the call of God on my life), he had surrendered to preach.  Yet, as life went along, he did not feel that was what he was supposed to do anymore.  When he told me this, my heart skipped a beat, and I think even in that moment I knew that God was going to do much more with our story.

Yet as I approached the time where I knew the question was going to come about marriage, I needed to have peace in my heart that I was absolutely, without a doubt, taking the correct path in life.  I will not bore you with all of those details, but I can tell you that as I prayed and read the Word that Sunday, God gave me 100% assurance and peace that if Mike were to ask me to marry him, my answer to him should be yes.

The time came for Mike to talk to my dad about marriage... and my dad's answer to him was, "I always knew that Anna was supposed to marry a preacher, and that's how we raised her.  But, I've been praying about it, and God just has given me peace that she's supposed to marry you.  I really don't understand it, but yes."

Well to make a long story short, Mike and I were married with our parents blessing.  The first year and a half of our marriage have not been easy.  Many struggles have come our way, but we have done our best to keep our eyes on Jesus and have faith when we didn't feel like it.  My health has proven to be a huge struggle.  Mike was not happy with his job even when he had the opportunity to follow his dream at a golf course!  All of this was God working.  Through some messages on Jonah from our Pastor and many, many other little things, my husband (re)surrendered to preach and serve the LORD full-time with his life.

Now, about that photo you see up there... well, the mission is one of my very favorite places to be.  I served there on Saturday nights for about 5 years in a row faithfully - while I was still in college, before I moved to California and after, and even before I met my husband.

But Thursday night found us driving to the mission, and as we were about five minutes away, my heart just leaped in anticipation and happiness as it felt like for the first time in forever, I was finally just about "home." Everything in my life had been leading to this moment, and there we were.

So before we ever jumped out of the car to walk into the mission, I had to capture this photo - the beginning of my "home".  Mike preached a powerful message on salvation. He led the song service as I played the piano.  And I sang a couple of the guys favorite songs.

I don't really know how to wrap up this story... because it is really just the beginning.

But maybe the best way is to end with a beginning... the lyrics to the song that was sung directly before we said our marriage vows.

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

The sun comes up

It's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass

And whatever lies before me

Let me be singing

When the evening comes

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

You're rich in love

And You're slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons

For my heart to find

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Bless You Lord

And on that day

When my strength is failing

The end draws near

And my time has come

Still my soul will

Sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years

And then forevermore

Forevermore

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Hypo Kalemic Huh?

That's what I usually get when trying to have this tough conversation with people.  It is usually accompanied with an extremely confused and puzzled look because up till now, my wall has been up, and I'm just like every other person - not a weak muscle in my body.  And the very reason I usually have this conversation is because I've reached a point where I can't keep up that wall any more... because it's crumbling. Today the reason is different.

Before I proceed further, let me take a moment to give you the Wikipedia version of what this is that I was diagnosed with a couple years ago.

Defined:  Hypokalemic periodic paralysis is a rare, autosomal dominant channelopathy characterized by muscle weakness or paralysis with a matching fall in potassium levels in the blood (primarily due to defect in a voltage-gated calcium channel). In individuals with this mutation, attacks often begin in adolescence and are triggered by strenuous exercise followed by rest, high carbohydrate meals, meals with high sodium content, sudden changes in temperature, and even excitement, noise or flashing lights. Weakness may be mild and limited to certain muscle groups, or more severe full body paralysis. Attacks may last for a few hours or persist for several days. Recovery is usually sudden when it occurs, due to release of potassium from swollen muscles as they recover. Some patients may fall into an abortive attack or develop chronic muscle weakness later in life.

My version:  Keeping it simple, there are certain triggers (heat, cold, high carbs, strenuous activity, stress, etc.)... you know, parts of every day life... that cause these "attacks."  Attacks for me vary in kinds as well as severity.  One, all the muscles in my body cramp up, and I look like I'm having a seizure (imagine a spider balled up once water is sprayed on it).  Two, all my muscles loose strength, and I can't move a muscle (imagine a dead person).  Both of these attacks generally include not being able to speak (literally), unable to move, extreme emotions, exhaustion, and difficulty breathing.  These attacks are varied and usually occur very unexpectedly.

Chances are, you haven't seen me like this.  Somehow, I am usually able to keep it in until I can let it go (Thus the reason I may disappear at an event).  Chances are, you don't understand.  That's understandable.  Only 1 out of 100,000 people are diagnosed with this.

Two out of four in my family have been blessed enough to be diagnosed and are now on medicine to help prevent having as many attacks.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I need to - for myself and for others with HKPP. There are those out there who have this disabling diagnosis and yet others who have yet to be diagnosed, but it is real, and it is written about so little.  My doctor sees maybe 1 patient a year with this.

It can be difficult to live with this.  Reasons are varied.

1)  People don't get it - you seem normal most of the time, so you should be normal all the time.  Maybe 10% believe I actually have a legit health problem.  But I guarantee that if they would see someone with an attack, they would want to dial 911 in a heartbeat.  No need.  We live this most of our lives.  We know it will eventually pass.  It's something we hide.  It's something we don't talk about.  Because we wish it weren't true.  And most of the time we try to fool ourselves into thinking its not.

2)  We are young. We're full of life and dreams and for those of us who are Christians, we want to be ALL OUT for God! Besides, isn't the mark of a true servant of God faithfulness? But there are certain limitations, and we just can't push ourselves past them, otherwise we WILL be flat on the couch, unable to take a step, and fighting for our next breath.  There are just sometimes when we can't be "faithful" to do everything that everyone (ourselves included) thinks we should do.

This is something I have faught with ever since I started having problems two years into college.  I want to be more, do more! -- And people expect it too! It's hard for me to understand why God would allow this in my life when my desire is to serve Him.

But just the other day, the sweet Holy Spirit revealed something to me as I was praying over this for the billionth time.  He whispered to me the words of the verse in Corinthians... the words that He whispered to me years ago when I sensed I wanted to do something special for Him.

"I have chosen the weak things."

And so, I'm breaking down the wall.  I'm going to be honest with myself and with others about the lot God has allowed me to have in life.  And I'm going to cling to this verse, letting God use what He has chosen as HE sees fit.

the value of work

"Being busy does not always mean real work.
The object of all work is production or accomplishment
and to either of these ends
there must be forethought,
system,
planning,
intelligence and honest purpose,
as well as perspiration."

Thomas Edison

one year | january 19 | Honeymoon 2.0

celebrating our very 1st wedding anniversary at Joseph Ambler Inn ~ the very place we honeymooned!

It's All About Perspective

Turmoil Turned Thankful

Some days I just need to type… and type… and type.

And not while I'm at work.

But when I'm at home, with music blaring in my eardrums.  With my thoughts flying out across the page.  With that awesome key, "Backspace," readily available to erase any evidence that may be a little too incriminating since thoughts literally are flying onto the screen as I think them.

Today is one of those days. 

But as those thoughts start making my fingers move faster perhaps than even while I was at work today... the lyrics to the music I am listening to remind me of what I should be thinking on, but not until I pray that simple prayer.

"Lord, I need you to come reach out to me."

The music plays.

I find myself half way into “Psalm 18”  It reminds me of just who my God is.  He is mighty.  My heart overflows in worship.  He is that Mighty, and He is mine!!!! 

Next up, "Your Great Name" and the lyrics speak to me just as the first did.  “Every fear has no place at the sound of your great name.  The enemy, he has to leave, at the sound of Your great name – Jesus.  Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God & man, and You are high and lifted up, and all the world will praise Your great name!!!  Redeemer, my Healer, Lord Almighty, my Savior, Defender, You are my King.”

For many tonight has been that "Trick or Treat" night, but for me it's turned into Thanksgiving month eve... today I am thankful for worship music that draws my heart to God because He is being lifted up for all that He is.

I started this typing craze in lots of turmoil because there's a lot that is up in the air right now for us.  Times are tough.  We're seeking direction for true fellowship, worship, and service.  Money is tighter than it's ever been.  Stress has mounted faster than the countless leaves across my lawn.  

But that last song plays, "In Tenderness"... "In tenderness he sought me, weary and sick with sin and on his shoulders brought me back to his fold again.  While angels in his presence sang until the chords of heaven rang.  Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me!  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!  He died for me while I was sinning, needy and poor and blind.  He whispered to assure me, 'I found thee, thou art mine.'  I never heard a sweeter voice.  It made my aching heart rejoice. Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me.  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!  Upon His grace I'll daily ponder and sing anew his praise.  With all adoring wonder, his blessings I'll retrace.  It seems as if eternal days are far too short to sing His praise. Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me!  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!"

I'll close with this - my favorite song of all time because it just came on - "Ten Thousand Reasons."

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul.  I worship Your holy name.

The sun comes up; it's a new day dawning.

It's time to sing your song again. 

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul! Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul. I worship Your holy name.

You're rich in love, and you're slow to anger.  Your name is great, and your heart is kind.

For all your goodness I will keep on singing.  Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul.  I worship Your holy name.

And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws nigh and my time has come,

Still my soul will sing your praise unending ten thousand years and then forevermore!

mr. right & me

A few years ago, while bemoaning the fact that Mr. Right hadn't come along and also scheming up my imaginary wedding complete with myself looking gorgeous with beautifully, long hair... a dear friend of mine told me that sometimes God works faster than your hair can grow.  She reminded me to wait and trust in God... that He would bring that guy along one day, and it may be sooner than I imagined.

We laughed as at the time, there was no guy "on the horizon." But much to my surprise, a short year later, I met this guy that everyone called... Mikey.  We hung out a couple times with our group at church, and I knew fairly quickly that this was going to go somewhere.  Honestly, I was scared - I didn't want to get involved in a relationship and just be hurt again.  Yet, God just impressed on my heart to trust Him - that this was something He was doing.  And so I did.

Within a few weeks we went on our first date, and after that we pretty much spent most of our time together whether it was at church, Bible study group, softball games, or just at the house.  Within a matter of months, there was no doubt that God had brought us together, and we were meant to be.

Seven short months after meeting each other for the first time, we were engaged, and January 19, 2013 we said our "I do's".

We have our share of struggles just like anyone in life, but seriously, I could not be happier.  God has given me just who I need to bring balance and security to my life, and I love him more than I could ever imagine.

To me, my favorite part of being married is having someone to share life with -- someone to come home to, someone to work alongside of, someone to grow with...

So all those times I thought it never would happen, well it finally did, and it was totally worth the wait.  And you know what, that dreamy wedding and gorgeous hair mattered much less to me than knowing I was marrying the man God planned perfectly for me.