dreams really do come true!

To most, this appears to be nothing more than a photo of my husband and myself... a little blurry  perhaps, but not bad if you can lose sight of that.  To me, this photo captures a moment in time where my very dreams since I was a young girl are being coming true.  Let me tell you about it.  (Warning:  If you're going to read, you may want to grab a cup of coffee or something.  It's going to be long!)

If you've known me for a while, you may know that deep in my heart I have always wanted to be a wife and mom that loved Jesus with all she was and lived like it.  I wanted to be very involved in church and ministry.  I love coming alongside others to encourage or worship.

When I first got to know Mike, it was at a Bible Study that he was leading.  His study was from 1 John 1.  I may have sat through preaching all my life and heard countless sermons and even some devotions from that passage, but never had I heard it with the clarity and conviction that he gave that day.  It stuck with me every day... how we have to keep the window of our souls clean to let God's light shine through us... and when we let the window get clouded with sin instead, we hide God's light.  There was more to it, but the point I am making was that the Bible Study made a significant impact on me.  

But it wasn't just the Bible Study I couldn't stop thinking about, it was the guy that gave it!  I didn't know guys like him existed anymore! I mean he was a LOT of fun and rather crazy to be honest, but he lived for God too.  What?! 

Well, you likely know our story from there, but if you want to read about it, you can here. 

I remember one Sunday afternoon when Mike and I were dating.  I had been struggling to resolve some things in my mind.  See, at one point just several years earlier, I thought that God may be leading me into full time service - as in, not working a full time job in the everyday professional world, but to be working everyday in the church world.  Life happened though, and God had not brought me to that point.  Yet, that desire was still there, and I knew that soon I would be making a rather large decision in my life - who I was going to marry!

Mike and I had talked about serving God.  I had found out that years earlier (about the same time that I began to sense the call of God on my life), he had surrendered to preach.  Yet, as life went along, he did not feel that was what he was supposed to do anymore.  When he told me this, my heart skipped a beat, and I think even in that moment I knew that God was going to do much more with our story.

Yet as I approached the time where I knew the question was going to come about marriage, I needed to have peace in my heart that I was absolutely, without a doubt, taking the correct path in life.  I will not bore you with all of those details, but I can tell you that as I prayed and read the Word that Sunday, God gave me 100% assurance and peace that if Mike were to ask me to marry him, my answer to him should be yes.

The time came for Mike to talk to my dad about marriage... and my dad's answer to him was, "I always knew that Anna was supposed to marry a preacher, and that's how we raised her.  But, I've been praying about it, and God just has given me peace that she's supposed to marry you.  I really don't understand it, but yes."

Well to make a long story short, Mike and I were married with our parents blessing.  The first year and a half of our marriage have not been easy.  Many struggles have come our way, but we have done our best to keep our eyes on Jesus and have faith when we didn't feel like it.  My health has proven to be a huge struggle.  Mike was not happy with his job even when he had the opportunity to follow his dream at a golf course!  All of this was God working.  Through some messages on Jonah from our Pastor and many, many other little things, my husband (re)surrendered to preach and serve the LORD full-time with his life.

Now, about that photo you see up there... well, the mission is one of my very favorite places to be.  I served there on Saturday nights for about 5 years in a row faithfully - while I was still in college, before I moved to California and after, and even before I met my husband.

But Thursday night found us driving to the mission, and as we were about five minutes away, my heart just leaped in anticipation and happiness as it felt like for the first time in forever, I was finally just about "home." Everything in my life had been leading to this moment, and there we were.

So before we ever jumped out of the car to walk into the mission, I had to capture this photo - the beginning of my "home".  Mike preached a powerful message on salvation. He led the song service as I played the piano.  And I sang a couple of the guys favorite songs.

I don't really know how to wrap up this story... because it is really just the beginning.

But maybe the best way is to end with a beginning... the lyrics to the song that was sung directly before we said our marriage vows.

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

The sun comes up

It's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass

And whatever lies before me

Let me be singing

When the evening comes

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

You're rich in love

And You're slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons

For my heart to find

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Bless You Lord

And on that day

When my strength is failing

The end draws near

And my time has come

Still my soul will

Sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years

And then forevermore

Forevermore

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Hypo Kalemic Huh?

That's what I usually get when trying to have this tough conversation with people.  It is usually accompanied with an extremely confused and puzzled look because up till now, my wall has been up, and I'm just like every other person - not a weak muscle in my body.  And the very reason I usually have this conversation is because I've reached a point where I can't keep up that wall any more... because it's crumbling. Today the reason is different.

Before I proceed further, let me take a moment to give you the Wikipedia version of what this is that I was diagnosed with a couple years ago.

Defined:  Hypokalemic periodic paralysis is a rare, autosomal dominant channelopathy characterized by muscle weakness or paralysis with a matching fall in potassium levels in the blood (primarily due to defect in a voltage-gated calcium channel). In individuals with this mutation, attacks often begin in adolescence and are triggered by strenuous exercise followed by rest, high carbohydrate meals, meals with high sodium content, sudden changes in temperature, and even excitement, noise or flashing lights. Weakness may be mild and limited to certain muscle groups, or more severe full body paralysis. Attacks may last for a few hours or persist for several days. Recovery is usually sudden when it occurs, due to release of potassium from swollen muscles as they recover. Some patients may fall into an abortive attack or develop chronic muscle weakness later in life.

My version:  Keeping it simple, there are certain triggers (heat, cold, high carbs, strenuous activity, stress, etc.)... you know, parts of every day life... that cause these "attacks."  Attacks for me vary in kinds as well as severity.  One, all the muscles in my body cramp up, and I look like I'm having a seizure (imagine a spider balled up once water is sprayed on it).  Two, all my muscles loose strength, and I can't move a muscle (imagine a dead person).  Both of these attacks generally include not being able to speak (literally), unable to move, extreme emotions, exhaustion, and difficulty breathing.  These attacks are varied and usually occur very unexpectedly.

Chances are, you haven't seen me like this.  Somehow, I am usually able to keep it in until I can let it go (Thus the reason I may disappear at an event).  Chances are, you don't understand.  That's understandable.  Only 1 out of 100,000 people are diagnosed with this.

Two out of four in my family have been blessed enough to be diagnosed and are now on medicine to help prevent having as many attacks.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I need to - for myself and for others with HKPP. There are those out there who have this disabling diagnosis and yet others who have yet to be diagnosed, but it is real, and it is written about so little.  My doctor sees maybe 1 patient a year with this.

It can be difficult to live with this.  Reasons are varied.

1)  People don't get it - you seem normal most of the time, so you should be normal all the time.  Maybe 10% believe I actually have a legit health problem.  But I guarantee that if they would see someone with an attack, they would want to dial 911 in a heartbeat.  No need.  We live this most of our lives.  We know it will eventually pass.  It's something we hide.  It's something we don't talk about.  Because we wish it weren't true.  And most of the time we try to fool ourselves into thinking its not.

2)  We are young. We're full of life and dreams and for those of us who are Christians, we want to be ALL OUT for God! Besides, isn't the mark of a true servant of God faithfulness? But there are certain limitations, and we just can't push ourselves past them, otherwise we WILL be flat on the couch, unable to take a step, and fighting for our next breath.  There are just sometimes when we can't be "faithful" to do everything that everyone (ourselves included) thinks we should do.

This is something I have faught with ever since I started having problems two years into college.  I want to be more, do more! -- And people expect it too! It's hard for me to understand why God would allow this in my life when my desire is to serve Him.

But just the other day, the sweet Holy Spirit revealed something to me as I was praying over this for the billionth time.  He whispered to me the words of the verse in Corinthians... the words that He whispered to me years ago when I sensed I wanted to do something special for Him.

"I have chosen the weak things."

And so, I'm breaking down the wall.  I'm going to be honest with myself and with others about the lot God has allowed me to have in life.  And I'm going to cling to this verse, letting God use what He has chosen as HE sees fit.

the value of work

"Being busy does not always mean real work.
The object of all work is production or accomplishment
and to either of these ends
there must be forethought,
system,
planning,
intelligence and honest purpose,
as well as perspiration."

Thomas Edison

one year | january 19 | Honeymoon 2.0

celebrating our very 1st wedding anniversary at Joseph Ambler Inn ~ the very place we honeymooned!

It's All About Perspective

Turmoil Turned Thankful

Some days I just need to type… and type… and type.

And not while I'm at work.

But when I'm at home, with music blaring in my eardrums.  With my thoughts flying out across the page.  With that awesome key, "Backspace," readily available to erase any evidence that may be a little too incriminating since thoughts literally are flying onto the screen as I think them.

Today is one of those days. 

But as those thoughts start making my fingers move faster perhaps than even while I was at work today... the lyrics to the music I am listening to remind me of what I should be thinking on, but not until I pray that simple prayer.

"Lord, I need you to come reach out to me."

The music plays.

I find myself half way into “Psalm 18”  It reminds me of just who my God is.  He is mighty.  My heart overflows in worship.  He is that Mighty, and He is mine!!!! 

Next up, "Your Great Name" and the lyrics speak to me just as the first did.  “Every fear has no place at the sound of your great name.  The enemy, he has to leave, at the sound of Your great name – Jesus.  Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God & man, and You are high and lifted up, and all the world will praise Your great name!!!  Redeemer, my Healer, Lord Almighty, my Savior, Defender, You are my King.”

For many tonight has been that "Trick or Treat" night, but for me it's turned into Thanksgiving month eve... today I am thankful for worship music that draws my heart to God because He is being lifted up for all that He is.

I started this typing craze in lots of turmoil because there's a lot that is up in the air right now for us.  Times are tough.  We're seeking direction for true fellowship, worship, and service.  Money is tighter than it's ever been.  Stress has mounted faster than the countless leaves across my lawn.  

But that last song plays, "In Tenderness"... "In tenderness he sought me, weary and sick with sin and on his shoulders brought me back to his fold again.  While angels in his presence sang until the chords of heaven rang.  Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me!  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!  He died for me while I was sinning, needy and poor and blind.  He whispered to assure me, 'I found thee, thou art mine.'  I never heard a sweeter voice.  It made my aching heart rejoice. Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me.  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!  Upon His grace I'll daily ponder and sing anew his praise.  With all adoring wonder, his blessings I'll retrace.  It seems as if eternal days are far too short to sing His praise. Oh, the love that sought me!  Oh, the blood that bought me!  Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God!"

I'll close with this - my favorite song of all time because it just came on - "Ten Thousand Reasons."

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul.  I worship Your holy name.

The sun comes up; it's a new day dawning.

It's time to sing your song again. 

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul! Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul. I worship Your holy name.

You're rich in love, and you're slow to anger.  Your name is great, and your heart is kind.

For all your goodness I will keep on singing.  Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before, oh my soul.  I worship Your holy name.

And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws nigh and my time has come,

Still my soul will sing your praise unending ten thousand years and then forevermore!

mr. right & me

A few years ago, while bemoaning the fact that Mr. Right hadn't come along and also scheming up my imaginary wedding complete with myself looking gorgeous with beautifully, long hair... a dear friend of mine told me that sometimes God works faster than your hair can grow.  She reminded me to wait and trust in God... that He would bring that guy along one day, and it may be sooner than I imagined.

We laughed as at the time, there was no guy "on the horizon." But much to my surprise, a short year later, I met this guy that everyone called... Mikey.  We hung out a couple times with our group at church, and I knew fairly quickly that this was going to go somewhere.  Honestly, I was scared - I didn't want to get involved in a relationship and just be hurt again.  Yet, God just impressed on my heart to trust Him - that this was something He was doing.  And so I did.

Within a few weeks we went on our first date, and after that we pretty much spent most of our time together whether it was at church, Bible study group, softball games, or just at the house.  Within a matter of months, there was no doubt that God had brought us together, and we were meant to be.

Seven short months after meeting each other for the first time, we were engaged, and January 19, 2013 we said our "I do's".

We have our share of struggles just like anyone in life, but seriously, I could not be happier.  God has given me just who I need to bring balance and security to my life, and I love him more than I could ever imagine.

To me, my favorite part of being married is having someone to share life with -- someone to come home to, someone to work alongside of, someone to grow with...

So all those times I thought it never would happen, well it finally did, and it was totally worth the wait.  And you know what, that dreamy wedding and gorgeous hair mattered much less to me than knowing I was marrying the man God planned perfectly for me.